my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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