The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
