You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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