I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize