I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
