im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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