whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
