So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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