Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
