If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize