I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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