U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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