Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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