But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize