I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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