my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
