He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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