Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
