Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
