Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize