if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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