My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
your room smells of hookers.
And success
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
