i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
