Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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