Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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