I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she smelled like a LAN party
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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