Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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