i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
