The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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