is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
