They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
