So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
