Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.

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(206): View more from Washington

Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.

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(765): View more from Indiana

You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged

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(956): View more from Texas

She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.

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(740): View more from Ohio

Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?

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(650): View more from California

If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance

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(360): View more from Washington

No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.

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(707): View more from California

I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs

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(347): View more from New York

I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar

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