he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Green mimosas i think yes
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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