We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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