you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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