after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i think i just lost a toe
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
