i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
