Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
