I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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