Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
