i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
