Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
