A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
