Everything about him screamed your future.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
