he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
