First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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