He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
