the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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