I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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