she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm always down for nudity.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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