there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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