i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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