I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
