and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
