so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Someone came in the potted fern
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
