When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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