just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
