Got a toothbrush?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
