I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
