just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
