my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
