Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
