Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
