I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
